Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
