put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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