I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
