I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
