I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
why is half of my head shaved?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
