of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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