If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
