break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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