my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
