my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
