I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
