oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
