i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
