I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
