Where is the hickey?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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