does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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