The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
