I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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