Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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