I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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