well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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