??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
