i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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