you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
