so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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