it wasn't lemon gatorade
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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