we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Is it because I queefed?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
