his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
