I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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