We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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