True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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