tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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