when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
