You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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