yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
