Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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