youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
