hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
