The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
