I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
