When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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