my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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