I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
