mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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