Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
