I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
