I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
that's an acceptable place to lick
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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