I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
