you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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