I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
