forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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