Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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