Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i jhust puked up my retainher.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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