I hope mine doesn't look like that
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
