I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
