I wannas sexs uuuuu
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I deserve this hangover.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
