can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize