shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
