first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
