we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
