Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
