I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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