Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
