I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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