Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
