he wants to bone in the snuggie
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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