My first STD was from a foam party
Barsexuality is the new black.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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