Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize