In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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