I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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