Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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