FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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