Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
