I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
